It's that time of the year when we're told by everyone who has access to reach millions of suckers fans that Arsenal will be spending like drunks on the transfer market. In preparation for you, the supporters, I am compiling fast facts on the soon-to-be-Gunners targets.

First up, FC Koln striker Lukas Podolski!

• Born in Cologne, Germany (how neat is that?!?) Gliwice, Poland (I'm an idiot)
• In his first stint with Koln, he amassed 46 goals in 83 appearances
• Likes to fly remote helicopters
• Went bananas at the 2006 World Cup, earning Best Young Player after sealing a transfer to Bayern Munich
• Fell on his face at Bayern Munich
• Would one day like to end his career in the MLS, due to his expectations of the country derived from the movie "Wet Hot American Summer"
• Transferred back to FC Koln in 2009 to revitalize his career. Has since scored 30 goals in 77 appearances; 15 goals in 20 appearances this season alone
• Once blew out 300 birthday candles with one breath
• Has a ridiculous scoring rate for Germany, netting 43 goals in 91 appearances
• He once stated to the Bangladeshi press corps that if he didn't become a footballer, he would have become a competitive ice sculptor
• Dreams of starting his own language
• Has a hot wife
• Likes to wingsuit fly when he's not training
• His second toe on his right foot is longer than his right big toe
• Can talk to dogs
• Once cured a man's blindness when a stray free kick of his sailed into the stands and hit the man's face
• Probably won't be joining Arsenal