I hate it when dudes do this with their wristwatches, Jose.
Dear Mister (or is it Doctor?) Mourinho,
You probably do not know me. My name is Ted Harwood, and I am a supporter of the English Premier League club Arsenal. You probably remember them, right--they're the ones who went undefeated for 49 matches including the entire year before you Makeleled your way to the league title in 2004-05? The red ones, with white sleeves.
Ah, who'm I kidding--of course you remember them. Or at least Sid Lowe seems to intimate that you do:
Sahin: he wants to go to Ars. Mou doesnt want him but also reluctant to lose permanently and/or to a ChLg club, wld rather diff dstination— Sid Lowe (@sidlowe) August 23, 2012
Apparently, you remember Arsenal so well, and actually have such respect for them, that you would rather a player that can't even get on your bench at Real Madrid not go to North London. According to Marca, you've been telling him that he would have a nicer time in the Northwest:
Madrid changed the course of events when it told the playmaker that the Gunners were unwilling to accept a loan deal and were pushing for a permanent transfer. Neither Madrid nor Sahin himself were happy with this arrangement...Liverpool, which was the first club on the scene, has once again emerged as the most suitable option, as the player knows that Brendan Rodgers will guarantee him a place in the starting line-up. Sahin approved a switch to Anfield on Tuesday.
Well, gee, Mr/Dr. Mourinho--I don't know if you've heard, but Arsenal's main double pivot defender has moved to a club that you also have some familiarity with recently. I don't know why Nuri Sahin thinks that he won't start at Arsenal--he absolutely will--but I suspect that it has something to do with you, and that doesn't really make me feel great. Don't you want to validate my feelings, Mr/Dr. Mourinho?
It gets more confusing, because in Sport, which, admittedly, is a Barcelona-favoring paper, you were quoted as saying the following:
[Mourinho] addressed the possible [destinations of] Sahin, Kaka and Carvalho. "It is not true that I prefer [Nuri] to go to Liverpool instead of Arsenal. Thing I want is to go to the Premier [League], but I do not care where," he said referring to [the] former Borussia [player].
Now, it's understandable that you wouldn't want Sahin on another club in the Champions League, and yet I can't help but feel you're not letting bygones be bygones, Mr/Dr. Mourinho. Of course, you didn't get along famously with Liverpool, either, so maybe I'm overstating things, but gee whiz, man. Sahin would easily get as many games, if not more, at Arsenal than he would at Liverpool, so I don't know where he would've gotten the idea that it would be otherwise. I'd think you'd want him to go on loan to a club where he would face Champions League opposition--this would help maintain the value of your asset. If you don't want to sell him permanently, that's more understandable, but then...well...maybe you should have thought that he might get bummed not playing much after being Bundesliga player of the year?
Mr/Dr. Mourinho: I like you, I have to admit. Your roguish smile, your eye-gouging ways, your topcoats (I love your topcoats!), the way your Portuguese accent sounds more like a Russian accent, thus tickling my irrational fear of former Eastern Bloc nations, your merciless self-promoting...I like all of this. But c'mon, man.
Just let the little Turkish orkestra şefi ply his trade in a system where he'll be most happy. Stop playing the impish jackanape for just one dang second and be reasonable. Anyway, by the time you face Arsenal in the Champions League, the Gunners will probably be down to starting Kristoffer Olsson in the midfield by himself along with a sheep and a jar of centipedes, so don't worry about it.
The Short Fuse