A "source close to the club" or some such person claims that Arsene Wenger has taken Steve Bould's binky and is holding it over his head, just out of reach. WHO IS THE SOURCE?!
So on Monday, BBC journalist and Person I Usually Believe David Ornstein, there's a bit of struggle going on in Arsenal's coaching staff. Evidently Arsene Wenger is keeping Steve Bould from doing any defensive work with the team because - get this - Wenger is jealous of the plaudits Bould was getting for the team's defensive work earlier this season. It seems that Arsene prefers being abused himself than hearing a man he coached and picked as his lieutenant getting some praise, or something like that. It makes perfect sense if you avoid thinking about it at all.
I'm not interested, though, in who's jealous of who, and who's coaching what, and what water bottles are being thrown where. I want to know who the source is. All I care about is finding out who's got the inside scoop on the Arsenal training ground that's willing to share. So I've spent the past two days investigating, and I think I've narrowed it down to a few possible suspects. Let's take a look.
- Tony Adams: I'm not really sure why, but he's been kind of annoying the past few years. Some think he's simply upset by the lack of shiny pots lately, others allege that he's jealous that Steve Bould still gets paid by Arsenal and he doesn't. Personally, I think his soul was absorbed by the statue of him outside the Emirates, and the Adams we see walking around today is a kind of zombie, obsessed with misery. I'd bet the people who are supposed to guard the training ground would let him in, so it's not out of the question that he'd see a training session or two.
- Owen Coyle: Look, we all know that Owen is next-in-line to be Arsenal manager. He's probably just trying to nudge Wenger out the door.
- Jose Mourinho: Just enough of a jerk for this to actually be mildly plausible.
- Joey Barton: It's possible - nay, probable - that he eavesdropped on Wenger and heard him say something indiscreet in French about Bould, as Barton is fluent in French Accents.
- John Clayton: He's EVERYWHERE, you know.
- Stewart Robson: It was Stewart Robson.
Join us next week, when Justin Bieber decides to buy Arsenal instead of Aston Villa, or something like that.